New Book! Mothering as a Work of Art

(Originally written February 11, 2024)

Yup, it’s been about a year (a little over) since my last blog post! Right on time and I am officially (still) the worst blogger ever. Yet, I always come bringing good news! Who knew all these years later after having Selah I would turn my reflections on my childbirth experience and becoming a mom into a book?!

I am so grateful for the phenomenal 14 other mamas who chose to embark on this journey with me. These mamas have bared their souls in the pages of this book. This book is guaranteed to make you smile, laugh, and cry. It is not easy to share such intimate moments of our lives with strangers. But, that is the beauty of this book - it is for everyone. Young mothers, season mothers, spouses, family members, and other loved ones. This book provides a glimpse into the world of Black mamas as told by them.

Thank you for being a part of my community for all these years! Join me on the next leg of this journey!

If you are interested in learning more or purchasing a copy for you or a loved one, please visit: https://www.amazon.com/Mothering-Work-Art-Black-Anthology/dp/B0D575ZWXF

130 Weeks Ago...

Okay, I’m the worst blogger ever! Haha! My last post was literally 130 weeks and 5 days ago. If you were following, I was counting daycare weeks, which turned to pandemic weeks, which have literally turned into years!…Anyways…since that time (my last blog post), I moved, had a baby, opened my private practice, and changed jobs. Needless to say, life is different.

I had a whole pandemic baby! Looking back at my earlier posts, it feels like that time was so long ago. I’ve changed, life has changed—the world has changed.

I did pass that exam and am a licensed psychologist. I haven’t taken the other exam yet to become certified in that speciality area (but that will be coming soon). The process has taken a bit longer due to things like moving and having a baby! Nevertheless, I am enjoying the path that I’m on.

Becoming a mama, hands down, is my greatest accomplishment. I wasn’t expecting to write this tonight, but when the time comes, I’ll share more about what it’s like being mom to two. For now, I’m taking in the moment of “silence” I have going into the weekend while one is sleeping and the other is on the way to sleep! ~ Selah

Week 19

It’s been a minute but what can I say!? The whole world has changed! I started tracking Selah’s weeks at daycare and stopped at what would have been week 11. So, if you see the dates and noticed the title, this is week 19 of the pandemic aka COVID-19. I can’t believe that COVID has been going on longer than Selah was in daycare! It has been the most complicated simultaneously incredible, amazingly difficult time EVER. Words can’t describe!

Balancing full-time mothering with teleworking is not easy. I think the hardest part is Selah’s age. At 22 months, she’s so full of energy and she needs just about every minute of my time. Moments like this (almost 3 am) when the whole house is quiet, I actually have time to reflect and think that the biggest worldwide disaster ever turned out to be my greatest blessing. I have a chance to be home with my baby and see her grow into a whole human. She has her own personality and everything. She also has a bit of a temper (working on it). She can identify her letters (see previous post), blow and catch bubbles, her vocabulary is growing daily, she uses the big girl potty (except #2 help!) and she loves singing and dancing! Her newest favorite thing is helping mommy cook (sometimes daddy) and clean. Oh, and she likes fingernail polish and she has learned to get out of going to bed to just say “I gotta go potty” or something “hurts.”

Mommy update: if you’ve been keeping up, I’m still studying for my psychology licensure exam. Like with most things these days, it got pushed back but I’m on the home stretch. I’m also learning a new skill that comes with a certificate and everything. I won’t ruin the surprise but will update you once that is complete. After my exam, I’m looking forward to some much needed rest…but then again I’m not so sure about that. ~ Selah

Week 11

Week 11: What is understood doesn’t need to be said. So it goes without saying (*insert smirking emoji) that Selah has not been in daycare this week as things are slowly shutting down (or quickly for some) with the pandemic we have on hand. Monday would have been the start of her 11th week in daycare! Guess what? She has no idea what’s going on worldwide but she is aware enough to know that her routine is off. She hasn’t been getting dropped off with her aunt and cousin or seeing her daycare provider, and she will ask about them. We’ve FaceTimed her cousins every day I think because she will just keep asking, and yesterday she got a chance to “hang out” with them for a little while (while we’re all trying to practice social distancing).

Now, the picture you ask? That’s Selah’s bubble! Yes, I said Selah’s bubble. Her favorite pastime this week has been blowing bubbles. She’s almost sort of kind of got the hang of it. She gets a few bubbles out when she’s not tilting the bottle so far over that they spill out or dropping the wand in the bottle to where she’s unable to get it out herself. Why do they make it so complicated? Mommy’s tried to come up with a solid routine but it’s still a work in progress. I say job well done to all the daycare providers because keeping an 18-month old entertained is a lot of work. Maybe it’s easier when you have other kids around because they can keep each other entertained (or maybe not). Do your kids eat all day long (or is it that they ask for food all day) or just mine? Then there’s play time, entertainment/electronic/tv time, reading time (somewhere in there), call mommy’s name time, bubble time, walk time, mommy and Selah play time (somewhere in there), nap time is somewhere in there, and food is a given (breakfast, snack, snack, snack, lunch, snack, snack, snack, dinner, snack, and more snack), then there’s bath time and bedtime. I’m tired just typing this up. Please, if you have any other ideas for keeping her entertained share the wisdom.

Did I mention I’ve been trying to study for my psychology licensure exam as well during this time? Hence me sneaking away at 7am trying to get as much studying done as possible while she’s sleep because as soon as she wakes up that idea goes out the door. I don’t know if I retain any information that I “review” during Selah’s waking hours (haha). Most of my studying is done early morning or late night and next week I’ll be teleworking. As of now, daycare was supposed to be opening back up next week but we all know things change in the blink of an eye. So, I’ll know more as time progresses. If not, all of my clients will know Selah because there’s no way she will not one, look to see what I’m doing, and two, need something multiple times throughout my session.

So there you have. As week 11 comes to a close, Selah is doing stupendously! She’s definitely got the alphabet down. She sings them all day long. This week I keep catching her singing happy birthday (I had her sing to my friend and now I guess it’s stuck in her head). She’s stacking her small, soft blocks making them into a tall tower and identifying the animals on them (still trying to work on her recognizing the letters). She wants to color on everything and I think it’s safe to say she’s “talking up a storm.” Where does that saying come from? Okay, on that note clearly I’m done. I need to study before Selah wakes up!

Week 5

Week 5: It’s week five…that’s it. It’s week five! We made it to week five of daycare.

It’s 5:55am February 10th (the start of Week 6) and I’m adding to what I thought was a blog with no content…and then this happened.

See above picture? Yes, that’s Selah’s masterpiece that she created at daycare. Five little reminders that the Creator allowed me to bring forth life. Of all the beautiful, wonderfully talented amazing women in the world, He chose me to be Selah’s mother. How could this be?!

Five little fingers!

Five little fingers remind me I’m a mama.

Five little fingers equal a melodrama.

Five little fingers that pinch my nose. 

Five little fingers “keep me on my toes.”

Five little fingers wrap around mine. 

Five little fingers that are truly divine. 

Five little fingers that bring me joy.

Five little fingers belong to my babygirl.

These five little fingers raised up to the sky giving praises and glory

Because they came from the Most High.

Week 4

Week 4: So I have erased this first sentence about 10 times now because it’s hard to describe what I’m feeling in words! I imagine all my first time and seasoned moms can relate. I thought I had time. I didn’t think I was going to have to deal with this until Selah was school-aged. Nevertheless, we are already at the end of week 4 at daycare! Can you believe it?

Proud parent(s) moment: This week we learned that Selah is moving up to the big kids class in a few weeks! She’s only been in daycare for 4 weeks! Apparently, Selah is a good listener, sitting at the table to eat…and before we know it I guess she’ll be potty trained too! She’s letting us know she has to “go potty” (she has yet to go in the potty) already. So, yeah she’s growing up. “Time and tide wait for no man.” ~ Selah

Week 3

Week 3: It’s hard to believe that we are already halfway through week three of daycare. At this point it might be safe to say that Selah’s a champ. Our routine has changed a bit and now we meet Aunt “Tia” and cousin Jordy in the mornings. She gets to enjoy a ride with her aunt and cousin and is super excited to see them when we meet. Apparently getting dropped off at daycare is a piece of cake now. I am also a witness considering I dropped her off yesterday and once again, she was in her zone and did not look back. She didn’t even say goodbye. So it’s time to face the reality that I have a growing baby-toddler-child on my hands.

As such, she is currently doing some amazing things! She pretty much has the ABC’s (aka alphabet) down. She is on her way to counting to five. The other morning before getting dressed for daycare she got her own book and started reading it aloud to herself. She was flipping through the pages saying what was going on in the pictures/who was in the pictures! Then, yesterday on the way home from daycare she let me know what she wanted to hear. I usually play a Pandora station like Old MacDonald or Sesame Street. So, we’re riding along and she yells, “Mommy!” (That’s her favorite thing to do by the way). I say, “Yes Selah?” She says something in her baby-toddler language to the effect of “I wan to jdoibiibjen baby kjdfldkfjl.” I say, “What did you say?” She says again, “Mommy, I wan to lkdjf baby lkdfjkf!” So, now I’m really trying to decipher what she’s saying because it’s clear that she’s saying the same thing and she’s actually telling me what she wants. So, I ask her to repeat it one more time and I decode it. “Mommy, I want to hear Baby Shark!” Can you believe it? So I have a little person that can make requests. Stay tuned for our continued adventures!

Day Four (Reflections on my first days back to work after maternity leave)

It started snowing and we ended up closing early. Didn’t get to see baby for lunch but was even better because got to come home to her early. Guess what we’re/she’s doing. Yup...lying on mommy’s stomach. She was whinny and seemed uncomfortable. I guess she just wanted to be on me? She can’t truly communicate with me but when I get home she smiles so hard. I love it. I love her. Still sad I can’t stay with her full time but it makes moments like these that much better.

Week 2

So if you’ve read any of my other blog posts, you’ll realize that I’m inconsistent! Haha. I’m working on that this year. I literally just decided as I’m writing this that I’m going to keep up with this blog.

Here it goes…

Week 2: Selah started daycare exactly one week ago today. Daddy went back to work the week before and would no longer be caring for her during the day. They had a whole year together of bonding and experiencing the little great moments that come with having a little, miniature human version of yourself in your presence, meanwhile I have been back at work since she was about two and a half months, but that’s neither here nor there…back to the point. So last week every morning that I dropped Selah off to daycare she cried. I mean the cry that says stay with me, I need you, I’m scared and the “Mommy, please don’t leave me I can’t make it without you because I need you for everything and I love you so much.” To my surprise, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to leave her because she would cry like that sometimes when I went to work. As a matter of fact, she still cries like that sometimes when I leave the room to go to that bathroom! Nevertheless, I find myself more frustrated and sad with the fact that I have to go to work and leave her in the first place than feeling any way about sending her to daycare. Anyways, we made it work for a whole week. Every day I would drop her off, and every day she would scream-cry. One day toward the end of the week, I caught her though. I had to leave the carseat at daycare that day so I took her inside to drop her off first and then, stepped back through the door to get the carseat I left on the porch. She had stopped crying as soon as she couldn’t see me in the entryway. So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised today when I dropped her off that she just walked up to her daycare provider like a big girl to get picked up. Since I needed to check-in with her daycare provider, she told Selah to go to the assistant to get breakfast (eat-eat) and Selah just kept it moving. Do you want to know the kicker? She never even looked back! She didn’t give me a bye-bye, a wave, a head nod, or any other acknowledgement. She just walked right on into the kitchen out of my view.

Guess who wanted to cry today?

Selah: Our Birth Story

Selah is a culmination of years of schooling, continuing education, training, fear, anxiety, tears, doubt, curiosity, hope, trial and error, waiting, and more waiting, expectation and finally acceptance. It wasn’t until I was pregnant and expecting my first born child that everything came together.

While I had an “easy” pregnancy (excited to conceive, no morning sickness, low weight gain?, etc.), the birthing process was extremely difficult. I was in labor for two days and ended up with a fever. My plan to have a natural birth went out the window when the midwife informed me that the level of distress I was in was not normal and I was given an epidural as they suspected I might need a cesarian, which turned out to be true. Due to the level of stress that my baby experienced in labor, she had her first bowel movement in the womb (meconium) and had to be in the NICU for the first day and a half of her life.

Through this entire process, I had my sister (unofficial doula), my husband, and my parents. They all stayed and sat with me as well as prayed. We had additional support form the chaplain at the hospital and our own pastor and his wife who came out to check on me during the process. Needless to say, it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life and the reality that childbirth experiences can result in death was a reality—even if for a brief moment.

What was more profound for me, was my thoughts of other women (and girls) who did not have the support that I had. I feared for them and their ability to speak to the doctors through their fear and pain. When I couldn’t speak, I had my sister to speak. When I was feeling anxious and my breathing was out of control, I knew what it was and they gave me oxygen to help calm me down. What about the other mamas who look like me (without family or GOOD healthcare)?

The reality: a Black mama like me in the U.S. is 3 to 4 times more likely to die from pregnancy or child-birth related complications than a White mama. Between 2011 and 2014, pregnancy-related mortality ratios were 12.4 deaths for White women compared to 40.0 deaths for Black women per 100,00 live births. There is a present movement for reducing the disparities in Black maternal health and we are here for it! That is why we exist. To educate, encourage, support, and help other mamas win! My childbirth trauma led me to be triumphant and through it SelahMind.Body.Spirit was ‘birthed.’

While the exact translation and meaning of Selah is unknown, it is understood to mean “pause” and “reflect.” It is found in the Scriptures mostly in Psalms after certain expressions and is understood to suggest a pause following the line. It is a transliteration and literally, cannot be translated. Thus, I was inspired to name my daughter Selah because I wanted her name to have a meaning that she could embody, a name that could not be taken from her.

My hope is that Selah is a mindful person, someone who is thoughtful and makes wise decisions because of her ability to “stop and think” before acting. My hope is that she knows who she is. I hope that she can be self-reflective, self-confident, and self-assured in this big world that won’t always make it easy for someone who looks like her.

We use Selah as a reminder to “pause and reflect”…as we take in the present moment. It is a reminder to reconnect with your mind, body, and spirit to find wholeness on your journey to wellness. My hope is that you find your own meaning through Selah. I look forward to being a part of your journey—SELAH.

Day Two (Reflections on my first days back to work after maternity leave)

When it takes you a half year to post about going back to work…you know you’re a new mommy. Enjoy the read!

Lying here with my baby on my stomach again. Feeling tired and sleepy but having a hard time shutting off my brain. I should lay her down but hearing her laugh in her sleep (she’s not laughing while awake yet) is nice. It helps take my mind off the stress of the day. These types of work days make it that much more difficult going back to work. Wishing I could stay home with her. Missing the days with just me and her lying around all day.

Having slow blinks. We (mommy and daddy) like to say that about my (our) baby. Slow blinks = sleepy…Selah

Day One (Reflections on my first days back to work after maternity leave)

I'm sitting here typing this as my baby lies on my stomach sound asleep with an infant lullaby melody from youtube playing reflecting on my first day back to work. It’s hard to capture all the emotions I feel about this transition but it’s mostly sadness. I would love to be home with my baby more than anything and I feel sad that I can’t be. I feel sad that I live in a society where women are expected to go back to work 6 weeks after having a baby. I feel sad that the expectation is for us to “go back” to work like we don’t have a little human being at home (or daycare) depending on us for everything. I feel sad that most women are not being paid while on leave and have to return to work even earlier than that. I feel sad that my mother and other mothers had to and have to experience this.

There is a small glimmer of hope on the inside of me that says that if I continue to pursue my passion, I’ll be able to do my work with her lying on me like she is now. I’ll be able to make work happen with our little infant lullaby melody playing in the background. I’ll be able to hear her first laugh (while awake!) and all the other “little” things I’ll miss out on because of work.

Although the things I hope for are not yet a reality and I still feel a little sadness, I am allowing myself to pause, reflect and connect to my mind, body and spirit. My mind is free from all of the stress of my first day back to work. My body is relaxed. My spirit is free. I am enjoying this precious moment with my baby…Selah