I'm sitting here typing this as my baby lies on my stomach sound asleep with an infant lullaby melody from youtube playing reflecting on my first day back to work. It’s hard to capture all the emotions I feel about this transition but it’s mostly sadness. I would love to be home with my baby more than anything and I feel sad that I can’t be. I feel sad that I live in a society where women are expected to go back to work 6 weeks after having a baby. I feel sad that the expectation is for us to “go back” to work like we don’t have a little human being at home (or daycare) depending on us for everything. I feel sad that most women are not being paid while on leave and have to return to work even earlier than that. I feel sad that my mother and other mothers had to and have to experience this.
There is a small glimmer of hope on the inside of me that says that if I continue to pursue my passion, I’ll be able to do my work with her lying on me like she is now. I’ll be able to make work happen with our little infant lullaby melody playing in the background. I’ll be able to hear her first laugh (while awake!) and all the other “little” things I’ll miss out on because of work.
Although the things I hope for are not yet a reality and I still feel a little sadness, I am allowing myself to pause, reflect and connect to my mind, body and spirit. My mind is free from all of the stress of my first day back to work. My body is relaxed. My spirit is free. I am enjoying this precious moment with my baby…Selah